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第168章 心理学:亲密关系中,高质量付出才能让对方更爱你(2 / 2)

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简单来说就是:

为对方付出的情感和物质,都是你能够承受的范围内,不会给你造成什么压力。

亲密关系中的付出,一般有这几种情形:

1、你付出很多,压力很大,对方勉强接受

2、你付出很多,压力很大,对方不接受

3、你付出不多,压力不大,对方很满意

4、你付出不多,感到很轻松,但每次都能满足对方的需求

这4种情形,往往第四种更融洽,感情更坚固。

任何关系里,都应该遵从这样的原则:

你付出比较轻松,对方同样能够获得快乐;这样的相处模式,才是投入与回报最合理的状态。

倘若你付出的东西很吃力,很勉强,已经给你造成了很大的负担;而对方在你这样的付出之下,也觉得越来越无趣。

久而久之,对方就不在乎你所付出的东西了。

每个人心中,都有一个“阈值”。

开始时,你为他付出的东西,能让他获得快乐;

时间久了,相同的付出,他内心的阈值也就降低了。

再举个例子:

无论是恋爱还是婚姻,有许多付出其实是“出力不讨好”的。

全职太太或全职丈夫,在家做饭,做家务。

你做得好,对方未必会感恩,会比会赞美你;

但如果你做得不够好,对方往往会忍不住贬低你,说你一番。

“你炒的菜,真难吃”

“这就是你洗的衣服?”

“你看看地面脏的”

面对他的嘲讽和指责,你所有的付出和努力,似乎都被忽略了。

这种出力不讨好的工作,却没有换来应有的回报,你觉得很伤心。

而对方的一举一动,一言一行,都将影响到接下来你为这段关系里的付出。

很多时候,付出本身是无意义的。

有意义的是什么?

是你付出比较轻松,对方也能感受到愉悦,对你表达赞美;

付出的过程不重要,重要的是你有没有达到目的。

总结:亲密关系里,该如何付出?

1、不要低质量付出,要高质量付出

2、付出要有度,而不是一开始就付出所有

3、付出应当满足对方的需求,而不是把你喜欢的给对方

4、伴侣给予的付出,应该及时表达你的感谢和情绪价值

喜欢男女恋爱学请大家收藏:男女恋爱学本站更新速度全网最快。

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